My older brother died on September 14 from kidney failure and an infection that could not be treated.

My sister-in-law called me to tell me he was in the hospital as I was checking my bag to fly from California to Iowa for my daughter's birthday.  That was on September 6th.

When I visited him in the hospital he saw me and started laughing because he was shocked.

Initially, he was unable to communicate, but as I sat there by his side, he had moments of coherency when he could talk, and we had brief conversations.

He told me he was "done", he said he was ready to die.  Then later he cried a little and said he didn't want to die, he wanted to stay with his wife.

Later he said he was tired of suffering and was ready to go.  The next day he was moved to hospice. 

The 14th was my late wife's birthday.  As my daughter said, it didn't ruin the day, it just made a sad day more sad.

But in many ways it was fitting that he passed on her birthday as they loved each other, but they also had not spoken for a year or 2 before she died.

I have been living in California for the past year and am still in Des Moines as I await results of my own medical issues.

I miss my wife, but I couldn't head back to California right away.  I would have been miserable.  Now my wife is miserable because I'm in Iowa and she is in California. 

But as with any loss, losing my brother has brought up grief from past deaths.  Losing him has brought up grief over moving so abruptly, leaving my house a mess, with basic maintenance work needing completed.  

I should be heading back to California in about 2 weeks, dreading the holidays.