Acceptance

I can't seem to accept the fact that my daughter, Heather is gone.  She was so full of life and spirit and CF sucked it out of her.  She wasn't ready to leave this world.  She asked me when she was coming home.  I have dreams of her dying over and over again, of being sick.   She came to me last night and asked me what happened.  I had to tell her she died in my arms.  I woke up with such sickness and confusion.......anguish just so hard to bear.

It will be three years this year.  She was my mini me.  I know she is baking cookies for the angels in heaven. I can't seem to replace memories of her with happy times.  It is all with dying.....Only this year have a been able to look at her picture.  It just seems so horrible.  No anti-depressant, sleeping pill or counseling seem to make thinking about this any easier.

 

I am sure a lot of you understand how I feel. 

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Comment by Mimi Giovanni on March 22, 2012 at 7:54am

i do understand your pain, in 2005 i lost my twin sons, 2mths ago i lost my sister. I dreamt about my babies for so long and heard them crying for me. I could see them in my dream, i tryed to reach them to comfort them but i couldn't get to them. It seemed so real, when i woke i jump up to go find them. It took me a a couple of seconds to realizeb it was a dream. Now i lost my baby sister, she was the best of best friends and i lost now. I really don't know a lot of people, but i did join a grief group that helps alot. I feel better when i leave from there, to hear other people who understands and don't make me feel like i am crazy for the way i am feeling is wonderful. Sometimes i feel like people think i should of gotten over it all by now. So i keep things to myself, until i goto group. But try group or counseling it wont hurt to try. It will work for you or not, but a least you can say you tryed something. But you will be in my prays and in my heart.

 

Comment by Stephanie on March 21, 2012 at 6:24pm

hey heidi i'm so very sorry to hear you are going thru this horrible horrible pain. i know it cant help things, but its consoling to know we are not alone in what we go thru. i have dreams endless.  i dream of my becky, frustrating dreams, dreams of urgency, of panic, all kinds of things. when i wake up i dont know which reality i wish for more. i am also in tremendous pain. and people also tell me to hold on to the "happy memories", and yes sure there are happy memories, but for goodness sake, that makes it even MORE PAINFUL that she's gone!!!

i know ure hurting. hang in there my friend. we'll walk this journey hand in hand. and we'll make together to our angels one day, you'll see.  in the meantime, it seems our work here is not yet complete. all my love, steph

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