This Saturday will be the very first time in my life I will not have my mom singing Happy Birthday to me, telling me how much she loves me nor will there be the pure joy that emanated from every pore of her being.. There will be no more of her contagious laughter to brighten my 'special day'; there will be no closure..Each and every minute of each and every day I am overwhelmed with sadness, horrid pain, the deepest of sorrow, guilt and never ending horror. Having no answers to her horrific death haunts my every second! I will be turning 35; but does it really matter now that my mom is no longer here..