4/25/15: Finally I dreamt of Nick! I didn't want to wake up. I saw him, he was smiling. He looked happy. We were talking but just like the conversation we had the last time I saw him I cant remember what we talked about. Even though I have tried to think over and over about what we said to each other the last time we saw each other I cant remember and it hurts not to remember.

Just like in real life all I could do was focus on your eyes and your smile but I cant remember what you were saying but I woke up happy. I was happy to see you. I was happy that you were there in my dream. I have been begging for a dream and it finally happened.

The night of my dream it was raining outside, I was in my car and I was crying remembering Nick. I was talking out loud asking so many questions to Nick that I knew I would not get any answers to. Then in my head I heard Nicks voice and he said "go inside then we will talk" so I did it was almost 2 am.  I don't like my kids to know I cry so I cry in places they don't hear/see me. When I walked inside I heard "Mom?" it was my son he couldn't sleep because of the rain. I put him to bed then I went into my room put on Nick's sweat pants and laid in bed and cried a little more, I then received an beautiful email from Nicks mom, talking about her baby boy that we both miss so much, I read her email a couple of times before falling asleep. Then I had the dream.

I don't know if my head is messing with me that much or if its something that I cant explain is really going on. What matters is that what I feel, and what I feel is that I am surrounded by your love and presence. I miss you, until I dream of you again.