on the dec. 14, 2010 will be 7 months since my mom died and im sad. tomorrow also is the birthday of the man who killed my mom and himself. I honestly dont knowhow to feel about it... im so tired of all the sadness and the depression im so tired of feeling angry.im sadbecause ever since my mom died my world has been turned upside down. my mother was the glue in our familyshe was the one who rememberedb-days the one who did all the holiday cooking with me helping her, she wasthe one who kept us informed of our family in puerto rico, he was the one who made miracles out of nothing even if we were dead broke there was always food on the table always clothes on our back a very good provider. i can honestly say she is a virtuis woman like in the bible. and whats funny is that we said the same thing aboutmy grandmother when she died in 07'. i miss everything about my mom even though we didnt have a great relationship but i dont blame her i blame myself in part and that murderous asshole that took her a way im not saying my mom was innocent but she was a great woman and i now as a mother admire her very muchand i am very proud ofthe way she raised me to be a strong woman. believe me i get depression very ofter but without god by my side i wouldnt even get out of bed. sometimes i literaly dont know how ive kepton going without her because most of the time i feel like a wreak and if itwerent for my son that is such a handfull and keeps my mind and body occupied lol i dont think i would have been around to even be writing this right now. after what happened to my mom getting killed in such a horrifying way it has just made me see things in a different light and i dont mean in a good sence i have lost faith in people and i think the worst of them and the funny thing is that i use to think the complete opposite, i use to think that people desreved the benifit of the doubt and i believed in second chances and im not quiet sure i believe in that anymore. i gave that man a benifit of a doubt and even after finally giving him a chance to prove to me he was a good guy and i told my mom he was a bad man that i could sence it i let my guard down i even tryied to helphim get my mom back and he betrayed me and in the worst form he took her away from everyone that loved her the most and worst of allhe betrayed mybrother thatlooked up to him and wasthe only father figure my brother knew but not only that he was likea bestfriend and a brother to him and you hurt him in the worst way. so why even bother????