Grief tends to be mixed with trauma when a loss is sudden and unexpected — a fatal heart attack, an accident, a murder — or it’s perceived as being outside the normal cycle of life, as in the death of a child. For example, someone who nurses a spouse through a long illness will grieve when the spouse is gone, but the person who witnesses the sudden death of a spouse in a car crash will likely be traumatized as well. A sudden loss can be even more difficult to deal with if you don’t have a socially recognized outlet for mourning, as may be the case with a miscarriage or stillbirth.

While trauma always incorporates grief, the two states are very different in how you experience them and what effect they can have on you. Grief is a normal reaction to loss, with its symptoms diminishing over time. On the other hand, trauma is a disabling reaction that can block the grieving process, disrupt your life, and leave you psychologically vulnerable. If you are coping with a traumatic loss, you may want to think about turning to a counselor or other professional for help.

The Effects of Grief/The Effects of Trauma

Sadness is the dominant emotion./Terror is the dominant emotion.

Grief feels real./Trauma feels unreal.

Talking about grief can help./Talking about trauma is difficult or impossible.

Pain is related to the loss./Pain involves not just loss, but terror, helplessness, and fear of danger.

Anger is nonviolent./Anger often involves violence towards yourself or others.

Guilt involves unfinished emotional business with the deceased./Guilt includes self-blame for what happened or thoughts that it should have been you who was harmed.

Your self-image and confidence generally remain intact./Your self-image and confidence are distorted and undermined.

You dream about the person you lost./You dream about yourself in danger.

Symptoms lessen naturally over time./Untreated, symptoms may get worse.