Joshie, my beautiful son I love you so much. I don't have to tell you because you already know. You and your brother are my whole world. I never ever thought you would leave me. Baby why did you turn to alcohol? I don't understand. Didn't you see what it was doing to your body? I don't think you knew you were killing yourself. You would never want to kill yourself. Your life was really good, a good job, friends, a wife you adored, your brother that loves you to pieces, me and dad that loves you more than life. You had just bought the car of your dreams. You have your babies, your 3 adorable dogs that miss you so much. Everything was going so well for you. When did the alcohol take over that amazing intelligent mind of yours? Josh if I had only known. I had absolutely no idea. Now I look back and see signs but not knowing what was going on I could not add the signs together. Josh I miss you more everyday.. I love you...I pray I will be with you again. I hope that you are with Grandma, Papa, Alan and Sean so you are not alone. I want to hold you, hug you and hear you say-I love you , Mommas. I promise I will take care of your brother. You know him so well and how he freaks out about things. I will be so happy to be in Arizona with him so I can take care of him. Since you have left me there is nothing here for me. The memories I can take with me, you will always be with me. Josh why did you leave me? Please let me know you are alright. You know how your Momma worries. Hugs baby doll. I love you My Joshie