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Comment by Gen on December 17, 2020 at 3:20am

Hi Sara,

I lost my mother to breast cancer in 2012. I was devastated. I took care of her for a course of a few years before it metastized. I had to work to find myself and my purpose- I did, for awhile. It got manageable to bring her personality and values into my life. Learning to live with her not Physically here, but she showed me she never left. I lost my father in November, not covid, and I had to remind myself, and still do, they are there if you can listen with your mind's eye. It's unexpected but they come when we are in pain. I mean this- blessings. Im with you in our healing and looking for treatment myself.

Comment by Sara on July 21, 2020 at 6:45pm

I'm sorry for your loss ❤ Thank you. I can't even imagine what Mother's Day will be like. Have a feeling it will be the worst day of the year to me.
You don't deserve to suffer like that. It is enough to be grieving your mother. Be kind to yourself ❤

Comment by Joe von Anjou on July 21, 2020 at 5:37pm

My thoughts are with you. My next birthday will also be my first without my mother. My first Mother's Day and July the 4th without her were really bad. I have reason to believe my first birthday without her will not be so bad because I have not celebrated my birthday in years. My mother had vascular dementia in her last years, so I had other priorities.

But I know what you are feeling. Every time I am in between deep sleep and fully waking up, I see the look of horror in my mother's eyes the last few years when she knew something was wrong and just could not speak it.

I also look functional to others. Lat Friday was my mother's funeral. Everyone else was crying. I was not, but I was restless and my hands were shaking. It is karma on my part for failing my mother...and my brother so many decades ago.