My friend Chris who has been dear to me for 20 yrs has pancreatic cancer.

long story short, he is in denial.

he has told friends that he has a pistol, and would rather take that way than tell his mom or daughter.

to be fair, they have gone through a lot.  Chris's dad just died this past spring from pancreatic cancer. and so did an  uncle and 2 aunts.......

i have watched my husband and a fiance both die horribly.

cancer

so i kind of understand what…

Kenny, then Ben, and now Chris.  All terminal cancers.  What am I trying to do with Chris?  Not re-live past losses.  Am I trying to win this time to conquer past losses????

I hope that isn't it.

Cause Chris and I have had 20 yrs of friendship....we tried dating a long time ago, but realized we were better friends.  Through all life has been handing us, we have remained close.

Now I am standing by his side. Pancreatic cancer.  I have to question whether I am masochistic,…