They still haven't got the results of the autopsy so we can find out what actually happened that night, or at least have a few answers about what happened to you. Grandma called the coroner's office, and they've never even heard your name. How can two months have passed without any information being at that office? She's been cremated and in her pine box on her vanity for nearly seven weeks and there's nothing.

I know hearing what happened will never make me feel better about…

I was thinking today of what it will be like when I get married, not having you there to see me walk down the aisle, or meet my kids. And I'm hoping Grandma will let me sew a piece of your jewelry into my dress near my heart so I can have you with me. I may not get to see your beaming, beautiful smile on my wedding day, but I will have a piece of you there with me.

I think of all these things you will miss, not just in my life, but the lives of your boys. And I hope all of us…

Today you've been gone for two months. Two months, sixty one days. I got up and went to the office, the business you built from the ground up, and started my cleaning early, before anyone else got there. The day went mostly alright, until Grandma called the Coroner's Office and they had no record of your name.

More waiting for an answer about how you went to sleep and just never woke up. And all the people. They all want to come in and talk about you, ask how we're doing. Most…

On June 5, 2014 I lost the woman who became a mother to me, a choice I made by heart alone. She was amazing. I dated her youngest for four years, and remained close with him until she died. When we had split, she told him she was keeping me and he would have to be okay with that. And then she hired me on part time at the business she had started with her mother the year before. I had even helped her edit her business…