I dreamed last night that my Papa was alive, but conditionally. It felt like we all knew he would have to go again soon, so the urgency made us try to make the best of the limited time.

It was Christmas and we stayed together for days, with no one leaving. Then my Papa proposed to my mother again, so they could renew their vows. It meant so much to us all and gave us hope. But before the day was through he was gone again. It hurt so much more in the dream, to have him again, then to…

My sister had me join this blog so that I could get some emotions out without burdening complete strangers, which I do often.

So here I go again. I feel like I lost more than my father I lost my mother as well. My mom has always worked and my father was the one who raised us. My mom had trouble relating to us, becasue of severe anxiety. SO my dad filled both roles at home. Now that he is gone it is apparent how little we actually had of our mother and now what remains is just an empty…

Hello to myself and everyone,

I am struggling with the idea that life goes on. Why? Why can't I take a sec? It hurts too much to just progress, I am not ready. But each day I have to function for my family, for my little ones. Then of course I feel heartless becasue I did. Doesn't my father deserve more?