When does the pain and regret of all the things I coulda done and shoulda said go away? Why do I have to think of it literally every waking moment and even as soon as i wake up in the middle of the night simply because i have to pee and dream about it when I'm actually able to sleep. We were seperated for almost 2 years before he was killed so why does it hurt so bad now that he's gone? Why?.... because he was my best friend, because we still talked. All day. Every…