It seems like I have not been sleeping well. I am physically exhausted but cannot fall asleep. The nights and the mornings are the worst.
Throughout the day now I breakdown more often in tears but I do recover faster.
I am sad and angry all of the time.
I wish she hadn't died.

The sad and the guilt are hitting me hard last night and today.
I am so sad she is not alive.
I feel guilty that I could not save her.
She was my wife. She was my responsibility.
I should have taken better care of her.

Hadn't been able to listen to music until tonight.
It didn't destroy me the way I thought it would.
The memories come flooding back but I didn't break down like I thought I would.
Am I in shock?
Am I numb?
Is something wrong with me?
Or is this part of the grief.
My heart feels like it has a chunk missing now. But it no longer feels like there is a knife sticking out of it.

Well, it happened. After only 20 days both kids are sick. Great. They weren't letting me get any sleep before. Now I'm up half the night with sick kids.

I don't know if I have the stamina. I am so tired.

I am having problems accepting what has happened. I imagine the kids are too.

What a living nightmare.

As the Saturday Memorial Mass approaches everyone is getting more on edge.
Had exhaustion, guilt, panic attack, and fun with kids.
Very tired.