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Valerie
- Female
- London
- United Kingdom
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- About Me:
- I was abandoned by my mother as a child and left with people that saw me as "another mouth to feed". I was told all the time that I was left in the doorstep. I grew up feeling pretty worthless and with low self esteem and I've felt like an ophan throughout my life. Desperate to be loved and supported and feel that sense of belonging that I never had as a child.....
The people around me resented me and I felt unloved and unwanted - in the way..... That "family" just happened to be my grandparents and their children. I don't know which is worse being mistreated by strangers or relatives. There was much dysfunction among them from - you name it it was going on..... My childhood experiences of abandonment, neglect, and rejection has caused me a life time of trauma mentally and emotionally.
Ive never felt belonging although people say "you have your own family now" meaning my kids. Who are wonderful. I love them dearly and they have shown me such unconditional love. 😇 However it's not the same....
I never had parents or been parented and never had sister or brother or any relatives that have shown me any care. It's been a very lonely road indeed 😢
It is very painful having to live with not only the lost but knowing that I was unwanted.... There's never a day goes by when I am not reminded that I am alone in this world.
Although I can be outgoing, very social and friendly there is another side to me that feels needy and I get lonely and depressed and people don't like any of that and tend not to want me around or even talk to me. Funny thing is if I feel wanted and excepted I get out of it quite quickly. I'm not really a depressant but I hate being on my own because of the feelings I get and that's when my emotions are like that if a child's that needs her parents. I've been in therapy where I've been told I've got to parent myself and self sooth. I find that impossible..... 😰🤔. I want to be parented and of course that's never goner happen. Strange thing is I have no problem showing love and affection to others. I'm very motherly even has a child I like to care.
I don't no if anyone can resonate? I'll be so happy to hear from you.
Lots of love and care. 😘
- About my Loss:
- Parents and family. I've never had them
- Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
- No
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My mom died 4 months ago
My mom had pulmonary fibrosis. She was sick for a few years. It was funny how when my grandmother smoked, my mom would always say-I’m gonna die from second hand smoke. My mom never smoked. She died from lung disease. Ironic.I was fine at the funeral. Planning. Talking to everyone. I thought u handled it great. Now 4 months later, I’m a mess. Some days I’m perfectly fine, but others I can’t walk down the street without crying. I keep thinking that I haven’t talked to her in a while & I…See More
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