Toni Mari-An Philips
  • Houston, TX
  • United States
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About Me:
I am about to be 50 years old, and really feel lost. I am a teacher of 10 years, and am teaching in a disciplinary school. I have a lot of friends, but I rarely see them any more. I have a boyfriend that I love very much, but I fear losing him because I am depressed much of the time. I want to LIVE life again, yet I have experienced so much loss in the past that it is hard as hell to push through. It is my hope that this group will help me; just to have others to talk with that truly can relate is a blessing. I don't know wheres else to turn; I have tried joining in person support groups, but never make it because I am too embarrassed or afraid.
About my Loss:
I lost my mother in April of 2011. She had suffered for about 10 years with neuropathy, dementia, high BP and falling. I cared for her almost single handedly. I also lost my father 17 years ago to cancer. As a result of caring for my mother and trying to start my career as a teacher, I believe that I lost my husband in 2006 as a result as well. I am estranged from my brother because of ALL this, and so I am dealing with many losses all at once. My boyfriend has also had the losses of his parents when he was 13 (his Mom on Christmas Day), so we are both dealing with present and past wounds. The holidays are really tough, and we are at each other's throats. He chooses to push his grief down more, and I would LOVE to do that, but I just can't seem to. I could take drugs to keep the pain away (I have some for a broken ankle that I have right now, another loss - of mobility), but I really don't want to do that. I hope and pray this group will help.

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