Hi Suzanne

I feel exactly the same as you regarding the Christmas decorations, Christmas carols in the shops and people talking about their upcoming holidays.

My mom died in September 2011, and my Dad died 10 days before Christmas last year.  I don't even want to think about Christmas, it used to be my favourite time of the year.  I was in a shop the other day buying groceries and while I was paying for it a Christmas song starting playing.  I got a lump in my throat and ran out of the shop in tears.

I feel so alone, my mom was also my best friend and understood me better than anyone else.  She was sick this year, she never recovered fully from the stroke she had last year August, and she had heart problems and diabetes too.  She died of a heart attack.  I know she is in a better place now, with no more pain or suffering, but now I am the one in pain :(

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time, and I really hope things get better for you.

Dear Suzanne,

You and your mom look like me and mine! I am so sad for your loss. My mom died June 26th. She died in my arms. I miss her every single minute of the day and dream about her every night. The dreams are so comforting until I awake. Then saddness engulfs me again. The moment my mom died - part of me died with her. It remains an empty place inside of my soul. No one can possibly understand unless they have experienced the same. I know that I will one day earn my way into heaven. Our mother's truly did. That why they left us to go to the most amazing place. They are the blessed ones. We are the ones left in pain to suffer endlessly missing them. God put us on this earth (my true belief) to experience humility, pain, love, greed, rejection and all of the others ...when he knows that we "get it" we are then allowed to leave this place and go to the "Garden of Souls" where everyone is reunited and everything is perfect. Our mother's are there. This is what keeps me from going completely bonkers Suzanne. I know my mother and your mother are at peace. If I didn't have this true belief I would be so damn angry all of the time. I work 6 days a week as an animal activist. I am being the best person my mother would want me to be. Making her proud. I am earning my way to heaven. Thats my goal.

The holidays...oh ..I don't even know what I am going to do. You are not alone. I am right beside you. Sie

I was thinking today how many feel they are nothing without the parent that was in there life. I've been thinking more about that today since others say that and I am wondering how and why did our identity get so caught up with them that we lost ours? I know I have gifts and talents in me that are in fact like his..so why do I think only he could shine and I have to fade away in to the background bc he is not her to help me shine. Something about that doesn't feel right.even though at times its how I felt. I was watching Joel Osteen tonight and he said that often we look to others to help us fulfil our dream. Why don't we think we can fulfil our own? I have some thoughts on it..I know for me some of it has to do my self image that was hurt by mom Mom but  built up by my Dad..Now he is not here to do that for me.  I know he would not want me to fade away here and live a life of being invisible because I don't have him to walk with in this world. I feel angey sometimes  that he was so strong and so self assured.. He didn't lay down and die when he lost his Mom as a young boy. She died of cervicalcx at 42. Him and his brother survived. Maybe because they had to..I don't know. He was a figher. I am not. I want to be. I want to have that spirit and live. If time doesn't heal this..then what? Wher is our hope? Today I didn't feel quite as bad. I'm wrestling more with how can I put one foot in front of the other then another to make some steps foward. I hate being a victim to the loss..and I ask myself and God how to make something good out of something that is not. Sometimes I feel a some hope that I can move foward. Oh when the moments come I so cherish it and say..Ok..what next? I sure did love my Dad..as you your Mom..now how can we love ourselves as much as loved them and go on? Something to think about. laura