Hi Susan - no need to be concerned with anything other than feeling what  you feel.....this is such a crappy time of year.  I write a lot of poetry and want to share this one with you and anyone else:

Here they come again - always without warning,

Those holiday months - how they trigger my sense of mourning.

From the music to the decorations, and all the holiday cheer,

Makes my heart sink even further - oh how I wish that you were here.

I'll always hold you in my heart - for that's the only light,

That shines in spite of my darkest days - for you my love - sleep tight.

Susan

I am so sorry for the loss of your son and partner. I know you are devastated. You can feel safe to express anything you need to here. Hugs and prayers to you. Connie