Susan, I'm sorry you had to join us in our misery. I lost my husband less than a year after he was diagnosed with StageIV Lung Cancer. He was 57.
I also spent that time, after he was diagnosed, taking care of him...while he tried to get everything in order so that I wouldn't have an even tougher time once he was gone. In my head I know that I/we did everything we could to fight and give him more time; in my heart, I question everything. I spent the first 6 months angry at the world and God for taking him from me...I've resigned myself that this is the "new norm". I've been very fortunate that I have several friends who let me talk about Bill, let me talk about how I feel honestly...Got more sympathy out of friends than my own family. Just had a friend yesterday tell me she wished she had done more to help me...I told her that since I didn't know what to ask for help with that just her listening was really more helpful. Give yourself time...let someone know that you could just use a little shoulder every now and then. You don't have to shoulder it all yourself! And there's always this forum...rant and rave here...no judgment...just sympathetic understanding.