Hello Stefanie,

I can understand your feelings.  So very very sorry.   Have lost my mother and my wife.

My mother got to see Christmas, then passed on 12/30/10.  Dad couldn't wake her up.

He said she was talking to her twin sister Tina off and on that night and morning in her sleep, (Tina passed away 10 yrs ago).  

Then around 90 some days later, my wife passed away in her sleep from drug toxicity.

I will never get over what she said about 1 week prior to dying, that she had a dream of her sister Jodi (Jodi died 3 years ago), and the dream was very bloody.

We had Christmas Eve at my mom and dad's house.

On Christmas eve my wife sat right next to my Mom and held her hand on the couch.

She has just gotten home from the nursing home just over 1 week at that time.  I still can see them two sitting there.  I find comfort in the thought that they both comforted each other.  It almost makes me think they both knew something.  My mother was very bitter toward my wife, but my wife always showed love for my mom.

I have tried attacking this grief, despair, sadness, over-emotional roller coaster ride with many things. 

I never took so many long, warm showers in my entire life. Can't even listen to any love songs, (hurt music). 

Exercise and positive thinking can help quite a bit, but the human emotional ride (grieving process) is the best way to go!   It is all natural, as natural as life, living, dying.  The grief is all a part of you, part of me, part of all of us.  It just can't be fought, it has to run it's course.  

As difficult as things are, please know that we all can, must and will carry on with our lives.

Good luck to you and may all good things come your way!

Bless you!

Michael