sherri, thank you for the welcome and support.  I always do something special for Randy.  I threw some of his ashes in the waterfall at the beautiful park down the street and when I take my dog for a walk everyday, i pick some fresh flowers and kiss them and throw them on the water fall.  For his birthday this year i had a group of close friends meet me at the park.  We had his favorite cake and sodas and everyone got a balloon  I tied  a note to the string and so did everyne else, we all sang happy birthday and we let them go until they were out of sight. then i went to the bridge over the waterfall and threw some of his ashes onto the  warterfall.  On the one year mark I am letting go of a balloon again and throwing one long stemmed red rose onto the waterfall.  I bought a special candle that I will burn all weeekend.  I have always marked holidays and anniversaries with letting a balloon go with a note on it that says "I will always love you".  It is going to be a tradition now.  it helps me and makes it fun.  something he would have loved to see me do instead of sitting home and crying.  Oh! i'm sure the tears will come in waves but I will have remembered him in my own special way.  Thanks again for the cpkkejt