Samantha
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  • Canada
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About Me:
I grew up a country girl riding and showing horses , I now live in the city 4 hours away from "home" my family is scattered across Canada ,
About my Loss:
On Auguest 1st 2015 I turned 30 , the week leading up to my birthday I was planning a Back years BBQ with a few friends that is untill I got the call July 27th 2015 , my older brother mike crying saying "dad's Dead , I'm so sorry Sam" I had never heard my brother cry before coming from a family of four big tough cowboys and only me and my mom for girls , I have a 1/2 sister but I didn't grow up with her , going home to the funeral I was numb I just didnt know how to cope , my boyfriend was amazing and supportive , after coming back home I have realized I just don't know how to deal with my loss , my boyfriend dose not understand he has not lost a parent , he try's but he thinks that I need to continually be busy and distracted to help " life carry on" so I fight so hard to keep the tears in and move on , but the oddest things trigger me and I run and hide to cry for a few mins I pick myself up and try to move on with my day , but every time this happens Im left fighting my emotions all day long and more and more things trigger me to want to cry , in the last two weeks I'm having serious problems sleeping either I can't sleep or I wake up all night long haunted by words people said to me at my dads funeral or in the manny touching tributes done in memory of my dad at the local fairs where my dad participated in his whole life , I miss my dad so much , every time I see his picture I get hit with overwelming grief knowing ill never see his face again , I need help I have no one to talk to who understands my family members are all trying to be strong for my mom and are grieving in their own ways but they don't want to talk about it , I feel so alone .

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Grandma sewing room

So I am almost done with cleaning my grandmas sewing room that wasn’t touched in 10 years because of all the mess, but now that she passed away 2 days ago, I don’t know if I should continue, I wanna finish what I started but I don’t know what to do, my grandpa is still alive and I don’t want to leave this burden on him.See More
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