Sorry for taking so long to talk to you.  I really miss my mum, who I lost in August,  For the first few months I cried all the time, i felt scared lonely isolated, I wished I could have gone with her.  I felt guilty, like it was all my fault for not being there to save her.  I couldnt go out or do house work. Well as little as possible. I just wanted to hide away.  I still feel guilty, and sad and angry, when i first wake up, but not as bad as the first few months.  My mum bought me a swimming costume and I hold it some times when i am tryn to sleep and before i get out of bed.  And I talk to her, i believe she can hear me.  I feel close to her when i hold the swimming costume she bought me not that long before i lost her.  i am able to go out now with out bursting into tears all the time, although i do sometimes start to cry if i suddenly think of some activity or place i wish she had gone to with me.  But then i remind myself of the thinks we did do and places we did go together, and i feel much better.  I am thinking of you and although i still feel sad alot, it has definately better than it was.  I believe in signs and know my mum has given me signs she is still around for me.  I had a few dreams but very real not like ordinary dreams.  I believe she came to me while i was sleeping to reasure me.  I read about after death experiences and that helps me cope, it really does.  love from marie