I just now read this message. Thank you so much for your birthday wishes. peace is what we all need... hug

Richard, I will get that book. I'm willing to try anything at this point. I've got everyone worried about me. I don't want that.

Richard, how are you dong these days? 

~Kathy

Hi Richard. For some reason doing better today. yesterday started out ok, then lost it by the afternoon when job stuff got to me and it all came out with me being super emotional. I hate that I have to put on a happy face for work, but I do. And my co-workers...I don't even know where to begin. I have told them the prognosis is grim. Rocky is going to die. Yet they keep asking "how is he? doing any better?" well, actually...NO

But I guess they just don't want to get it. So nice to have people here who just ask even though they know exactly how's it going. Thank you Richard for thinking of me.

How are YOU? Is it a good day or bad or just indifferent? Have you decided about the tree? I would think that might trigger so much emotion for you. Maybe it helps some people. I am not sure if I would want to do that, but we shall see. I could see me doing something like that for my dad (who is not doing well but he is very old) but for anyone who goes before their time...I don't know. Its so different. It's so hard to get over. It's so hard to want to move on and act like normal life. But then you try and do a memorial for them, and then that is worse for some reason.

I thought of a tatoo. That seems so obvious. I don't really like them, but I thought of having his name on some part of me no one sees, only me. Something private. Something I could look at and not share with anyone. I find I don't want to share any part of him with anyone. Do you find that to be the case for you? Maybe that's why the tree planting would be hard?

Thanks Richard. It does help to know there are people who know exactly what this is and how I'm feeling. I think that must be why we are here, writing and reading and thinking of other's situations, some of which are so familiar. I do wish it were me and not him though. I really feel like I could handle that a whole lot better. I was raised in a very religious family and never had a fear of dying. I longed for it at other times in my life, I long for it now. Just to not be left.

Thank you Richard. Knowing there are others out there going through this sort of helps. I don't know why. I know that death is part of life and I would just rather be the one going through this than him. He could handle it better than me. I'm a mess.

Life continues whether we want it to or not.

I have been trying to stay busy. I dont' want to just sit and mope and cry. I spent last wkend planting a garden and added squash plants which Bill would never have been happy with. He could barely tolerate having zucchini in the garden. I amazed myself by being able to start up the rototiller myself, that was Bill's job. And then on Sunday my son and I put up backsplash in the kitchen, which was the last thing to do in finishing Bill's remodel that started 10 years ago. It was time! 

I've also started putting out oriole food. I want to see if I can attract them instead of all the other birds.

So thanks for the "friend" request. It's nice to know that I don't have to push thru this alone.