Phoenix
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About Me:
I am 22 years old and I am interested in psychology, theater, and art. My plan is to someday find a career path that allows me to integrate those things into my work. I also have a wonderful boyfriend with whom I am building a life with. Despite these things that keep me going I still feel a loneliness without the ones I have lost.
About my Loss:
When I was 8 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was 15 when she passed away. My father never wanted a relationship with us, mainly due to the fact that he decided he wanted to start a different "Christian" family of his own. After my mother passed I was sent to live with extended family in Hawaii. At the time, feeling uprooted from my native California, I began engaging in activities not fit for someone of only 15 years of age... Mostly my behavior consisted of a lot of pot smoking. Ultimately my god parents soon tired of my behavior and gave custody of me over to my father who sent me to a behavioral facility in Utah called Cross Creek. About a year later the second most important person in my young life also passed away. My grandmother had been in poor health but I didint know that because I was not aloud to speak to her because "the program" said so...
I have not overcome these losses. I miss my mother and grandmother more than I can stand. They raised me, it was us against the world. The last time I saw my grandmother she was still greiving the loss of my mother. She cried because she hadn't seen me in months because I had moved to Hawaii. I heard that she called the police when she didint know where I was after I had been sent to Cross Creek. I can't imagine what kind of emotional pain and confusion she must have been in in those last couple of months. I feel guilty because I couldn't be there when she needed me.

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Grandma sewing room

So I am almost done with cleaning my grandmas sewing room that wasn’t touched in 10 years because of all the mess, but now that she passed away 2 days ago, I don’t know if I should continue, I wanna finish what I started but I don’t know what to do, my grandpa is still alive and I don’t want to leave this burden on him.See More
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