Pamela S. Davis
  • Female
  • Aubrey, TX
  • United States
Share on Facebook MySpace
  • Blog Posts
  • Discussions
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Photo Albums
  • Videos

Gifts Received

Gift

Pamela S. Davis has not received any gifts yet

Give a Gift

 

Pamela S. Davis's Page

Profile Information

About Me:
I'm a mother of 3 grown sons, one of whom passed away this last Christmas day (my first born). My husband and I also are raising my granddaughter (my youngest son's). I'm currently still on leave from work as a Manager at Costco. My Father has been living with us since 2007, he has recently been diagnosed with Lymphoma. In a nutshell the last 14 years of my life have been dedicated to my family as a caretaker to one person or another. My Mom passed 13 years ago, my brother 5 years ago, my grandmother almost 4 years ago. For the last 4 to 5 years we have been battling with the knowledge that my eldest son was using heroin, he would not admit that he needed help and at times we thought he might have been "better". He had a short stint in prison(6 mos.) for breaking into someone's home (first time of any trouble) thought he was "BACK" after getting out in Feb. of 2013, but slowly started to exhibit signs that something was wrong. He would never admit to needing help although we all knew he did. After my son's death,my youngest informed us that he had been using also, we found him help (because he sought help and admitted to his problem) through a therapist who diagnosed him with severe ADD/ADHD and placed him on medication that has stopped all his cravings, he also attends therapy. I'm a very concerned and caring/loving mother who has lost a piece of my forever broken heart. I have been looking for a grief support group (which is harder to find than I would have thought). I've seen a grief counselor, but feel I would benefit more from a group. If I could find a group in my area that is specifically geared toward drug overdose, that would be such a blessing because there is such shame and stigma that come with my son's sort of passing (very different from accidents or illness). I am searching in so many ways. Primarily, I need to find a group, people who are experiencing just what I am. I also need to find a way to fill this empty space that has been left with me. I understand that I am forever changed, I sincerely know I really won't fill that empty space but I desperately need to find a way to learn to live with this for the rest of my time here. It is still quite raw, it's not even been 90 days. The whole world feels so very different to me and I expect it always will.
About my Loss:
The loss of my first born eldest son at Christmas 2013 hasn't probably even manifested itself into my permanent reality as yet, it is still so new. Matthew was 29 and had been struggling with heroin addiction for 4 or 5 years, which we were not aware of until he was in too deep, and even then he hid it very well and would not seek or ask for help, staying in complete denial. You raise your children and even send them to private christian schools and they graduate highschool, move on to college, work a part time job helping to suppport themselves and you believe they are home free and safe and well on their way towards independence and adulthood. The first 24 or 25 years of this boy's life were charmed. He was so friendly and popular and nice to everyone, he was funny and smart and interested in everything. He was athletically gifted his whole life and he was genuinely beautiful inside and out. He was in possesion of all of God's gifts, or so it seemed. Heroin doesn't care about any of your gifts from God, or how your Mother loved you or how your Father wanted the best for you. It doesn't care if you love your Soulmate and she adores you. It doesn't care how big and strong and fit you are or how often you go to church or even how much you love God or he loves you. It is a tool of the dark forces that is designed to strip you of every gift or talent God has bestowed upon you until you are left with nothing, not even your life. There is not an adequate stigma associated with the use of this drug in this day and age anymore. It is on the same level in people's tolerance with most any other drug. The stigma only rears it's head after the addict is too far gone or has lost his battle. My/our loss is profound and great, as all parent's loss of a child is. The only difference is on a personal level. My son was a stunningly beautiful person. He made some devastatingly bad choices, his choice of drugs was a fatal choice. I'm sure he felt like he could handle it and I'm also sure he was curious about this drug and wanted to try it. I have learned from others that he liked it very much, but only in the beginning. After a time, I believe he felt as if he was at a loss to do much about it and he was in too deep. Denial is so very powerful. It was for him as it was for us as well. He is at peace now. There is no more fighting it or hiding or chasing. He was my very first true love and my pride and joy, my friend and my comfort and peace. I will miss him with every bit of my broken heart for as long as I continue to breathe. I will never forget or stop loving him. I will have to endure until the day I am able to hold him again. God give me the strength!

Comment Wall

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

  • No comments yet!
 
 
 

Latest Activity

Louis updated their profile
Nov 24
Louis is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 20
Marisol Delgado is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 13
Marcus Delgado updated their profile
Nov 11
Marcus Delgado posted a discussion

My mom died 4 months ago

My mom had pulmonary fibrosis. She was sick for a few years. It was funny how when my grandmother smoked, my mom would always say-I’m gonna die from second hand smoke. My mom never smoked. She died from lung disease. Ironic.I was fine at the funeral. Planning. Talking to everyone. I thought u handled it great. Now 4 months later, I’m a mess. Some days I’m perfectly fine, but others I can’t walk down the street without crying. I keep thinking that I haven’t talked to her in a while & I…See More
Nov 11
Milan updated their profile
Oct 30
Milan is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 29
J’Lyn Wilson posted a photo

IMG_3163

My dad was the best human I’ve ever known.
Oct 27

© 2025   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service