Dear Nancy, I to watched the love of my life suffer horribly from lung cancer, watched a slipped further away day by day. Hospice finally came in he made it 7 weeks more. I worked from home to be with him and then came the evening he stopped responding to me, by the next morning although his body kept going his spirit was no longer with me. Andy and I had made the decision for him to die at home, he was so combative that the Nurse insisted he go the hospital on Thursday at 4pm we arrived there and Friday at 8:15am he crossed over. Although I was right there with my head on his chest and heard his last heart beat and kissed him as he took his last breath I was devastated. I kept telling him it was ok to go but it wasn't. I do know your pain for so long it was about him and then he was gone. I came home to find all his things right where he had left them everything was here but him. I can only tell you that this is the hardest thing I havever gone thru in my life. I miss him every minute, I cry every day and have isolated myself, please don't do this as it not helped me and will not help you. I am so far gone at this point I do not believe I will ever return to the me I was before. Please know that you are not alone even though it feels like it. I can not feel my Husband's presence and worry he is angry. We are still here to find a way to cope and I have no words of wisdom for you all I can say is they will be there when it is our time my Husband promised to be there to meet me with a warm wet kiss and I expect that. The only sure for now is tears, depression, heartache and a lack of faith. Hang on there has to be healing for us all. I am so sorry for the loss of your Husband and hope that you find the peace that I am looking for.

I feel worse too...I think the shock has worn off and reality is setting in.  I have a friend who told me talking to people about it will help...maybe we can help each other? It's only been 5 months for both of us. That is such a short time. I know it will get easier but never go away...sometimes I just want to know WHEN.