Im sorry Mary :(  I know how you feel,   it just washed over you  sometimes,  and you are right you cant  control it,  all you can do when it happens is  put a positive thought in there  ,  and  let it pass,   it really hasnt been  that long for us,   and  I just think  its going to take a lifetime,  and  it will just get easier in time to bear it.  I wont use the word "get over"  or anything like that, because we have all  heard those things.   I  am  walking around the house  crying  and then  i am ok for an hour and then cry in the car,  etc.   I dont have the words other than to say,  I know how you are feeling.    There was  a sign posted in grief class that goes something like this :  The degree of grief you feel  when someone passes is directly proportional to the level of love you felt for them,  so in other words,  when  i knew my relationship with my mom  was so, close , on some level I always knew one day I would have my "enormous" loss,  and I do.   I think you feel the same.      Sent me a note and let me know how you are doing when you get a chance.   Ruth is out of town but will be back on Sunday.