Kelly,  

I wish I could say anything to help it be better but there just are no words that suffice.  I was married to my husband for 35 years and I know how long it is taking me to overcome the length of time that I was so used to his essence being around me.  In respect to others suffering,  it isn't always a matter of how long but I will say it has been a real struggle to rewire my brain and I am nowhere near what I might have thought I would have been.  I am approaching the day he died Jan 21st, 2013 and my crying has lessened but it hasn't really stepped back much during this whole time.  It is different and comes on me differently but I can still only go about 18-24 hrs and I end up crying again.  It has taken a huge toll on me and I constantly debate how worthwhile this going forward is.  Yet it is near to impossible to execute any kind of final exit for myself.

My husband also died within 27 days of being diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer on the day after Xmas in 2012 so of course this past month and this month are just treacherous for me.

There is so much we all could discuss about our feelings and how hard this is hoping for some kind of solution.  The only thing I have found over the past three years that has gotten me this far is that I keep myself distracted as much as I can. You haven't even reached the one year mark yet so unfortunately your struggle will still be very rough.  All I can say is I only do what I have to.  And I stay to myself.  Both of which I can do.  

Wish I could say more.  The why's are still a large question and they seem to remain unanswerable. Take care Kelly. I hope periodically you get a little reprieve from this most awful thing they call death.  

morgan