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I am so sorry about your loss and know exactly how you feel. But let me assure you that you are not alone. I lost my beloved wife (Suman) 2 years ago in a terrible car accident in India. I was sitting next to her and somehow I survived with 18 fractures. After 5 surgeries, I am able to walk, drive and work again. But I do miss my love greatly.
You are just starting your life and it will take a great deal to overcome the past memories. But you must look forward and my prayers are with you.
If you want to talk anytime, my email is raj.sabharwal@verizon.net.
Take care,
Raj