Kara Grygiel
  • Female
  • United States
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  • John B
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About Me:
My name is Kara and I am 28 years old. I went to art school for Photography and have another degree in Liberal Arts and Social Sciences. Most of my time is spent at my night job or with my amazing boyfriend.
About my Loss:
My father passed away on January 27th 2011, two days after my birthday. I was told he had been died four days before he was found dead in his house with a heating blanket on high. Because of the severity of his death I wasn't able to see my dad in the coffin and it had to be a closed casket. The coroner concluded that he died in his sleep of a heart attack. Worst of all I live two hours away from him so my sister left me a message on my cellphone voice mail that he died. I feel so lost without him. I'm the black sheep of the family, but he was the only one that got me and didn't try to change who I am. Everyday seems to get harder. I sometimes pick up the phone and call his cell or his home phone, just hoping that he will pick up. I wish that I will wake out of this nightmare and everything will be better. I have tried to reach out to my friends and family but it seems I get the cold shoulder or that they are too busy to talk. I feel so alone. I'm starting to blame myself for his death, several years prior I moved in with my dad because his out of control blood pressure and diabetes. I feel like if I was there to take care of him maybe he would just be in a hospital bed rather than a casket. I also felt selfish for the fact that he didn't call me on my birthday the 25th like he did every year before. While he was dying I was worried about a phone call. How selfish can I be? I miss him more than anything and wish I could trade his life for mine. I wish things could feel ok, I feel like I'm on auto pilot. I feel numb and lost without him. I just need my peace.

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At 9:42pm on May 21, 2011, John B said…

Hi Kara,

 

You're welcome. Sorry to hear you're still feeling vulnerable, as do I, but thanks to having a good best friend who calls and meets with me daily, I'm doing better than I might be. I'm not clear what you mean by this statement. "I wondered if you are having the same unwillingness to shoot anymore due to your fathers death because I know I'm feeling it."

Do you mean shooting photos ? Take Care. I'm feeling very tired today as it's raining and I haven't been sleeping that well, so I need to catch up. John

At 8:40pm on April 6, 2011, John B said…
Sorry to hear about the Loss of Your Father Kara. Don't be So Hard on yourself. None of us know how long we have on this Earth, so Be Grateful for every new day, as I'm learning to. However, I realize the pain and numbness don't go away that easily. I've been Very Emotionally Upset as I live alone and my 'family' rarely calls. Like you, my Dad was Sensitive towards me and Accepted me as the Artist I am, however I've Been Struggling with Unemployment and Deep Depression and Isolating in 'my' room. I 'should' go out and enjoy the sunshine, but i've been addicted to Warcraft for a Year as my 'escape'. I wish you well on your Journey & Healing of your Heart. Be Kind to Yourself. Your Dad is in Heaven as is mine. Hopefully we will see one another again in the next life..Hoping there is one. My Faith has been shaken as I have had NO 'contact' or feeling of 'awareness' that there is anything beyond..but I have a Strong Friendship that helps me get through each day.
At 1:19am on March 1, 2011, Dylan Sweet said…
thank you, and im here if you need anything aswell i cant do much but we can have a nice talk every now and then :)
 
 
 

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