K.Hankins
  • Female
  • Glenpool, OK
  • United States
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About Me:
I live in a small community, I work a lot during the week. I have a toddler. 3 cats and 1 dog. I love Starbucks, watching movies and gardening.
About my Loss:
My 11yr old son caught a cold after Christmas 2014. His cold became worse and he ran a fever. I took him in and was told he had strep throat. He was prescribed medication to treat the strep. His fever would go up and down, he lost his voice so I would have him write on a piece of paper what he needed, etc. Anyways, He was diagnosed on new years day with strep. On 1/4/15 in the am, I was feeding my daughter breakfast while my son was in bed watching tv. I went in 45min later to check on him and he was unresponsive. I couldn't see breathing, I couldn't get a pulse, I called my mom freaking out because he wasn't breathing, I called 911 and did CPR. The EMT arrived with the police, I had no idea what was about to happen, I as a mother had a feeling but I cried out "Jesus not my baby" over and over again. I couldn't look at the EMT's taking my son out to the ambulance, I was in denial and in shock, etc. To sum it up, my child passed away. The M/E came back months later and said my child had Bronchial Pneumonia, Sepsis and Influenza B. HE never had strep throat, so I was treating him the whole time for the wrong symptom and in 3 days time he was gone. I have so much guilt inside of me, it is so hard. 2 days after he had passed I was in bed trying to sleep but to no success. I cried out to God, to my son, listening to music, praying, etc. Around 1am my house went quiet, still. I hear a voice say "I'm okay, I don't hurt anymore" I knew it was my son, you know when it is your loved one speaking to you. I was overjoyed. To this day I hold onto those words. They get me through. I have been to a grief share class, it helped but the pain is so real. So raw, I loved my son and I tried to be the best mom I could be, I know I sometimes failed but I wish my life would have been taken instead of his.

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Grandma sewing room

So I am almost done with cleaning my grandmas sewing room that wasn’t touched in 10 years because of all the mess, but now that she passed away 2 days ago, I don’t know if I should continue, I wanna finish what I started but I don’t know what to do, my grandpa is still alive and I don’t want to leave this burden on him.See More
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