Judeth
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Judeth is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 2, 2019
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About Me:
28 year old, recently graduated
About my Loss:
I lost a very dear friend/loved one in a suspicious circumstaces and it remains a mystery to me what really happened. That is why it still haunts me so after over two years now. He was very troubled towards the end and he passed just few weeks before we got a change to meet and talk about something on his mind that he said needed to be told face to face. My took on it is that he might have taken his own life, and since I practicaly abandoned him by moving away to study a year before and if something was really so wrong I failed to see it.. We don't have any mutual friends that I could share my memories or ask if they know what happened. My own friends and family supported me for a while but now if I take it up they just get so uncomfortable and I get that, apparently I am supposed to have gotten over it by now. Well, I haven't and that is the reason I joined this forum. Perhaps I am also looking for some kind of justification for my grief, I keep thinking that I'm not titled to it in a way since I know that there are people who have lost husbands and wifes, siblings and worst of all, children. So what am I crying about still after "all this time"? Am I just clinging on to it for some weird graving to have some sort of tragedy in my life, to feel something? Do I like blaming myself and would I even be reliefed if I found out it had nothing what so ever to do with me? I'm not even sure if I'm here to prove myself right or wrong. Does this make any sence?

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Rosa Guzmán posted a discussion

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