Hi, James
I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband, best friend, soul mate, lover, mentor, champion, you name it, he was it for me. He was the most important thing in my life. He died of cancer on March 24th. While we were expecting the disease to eventually take his life, it came much too soon because of events we had no control over. I know what it is like to feel helpless, totally alone and like you don't want to be in this world anymore. People will tell you that it will get better with time, etc. and I probably will stop being the main focus of every waking moment but that feeling will be with you for always because you cannot truly love someone without their profoundly affecting you...they become such a huge part of you and so I believe that you don't really want that to go away. I am not a "churchy" person and so I can't fall back on that "he is in a better place" or "he's in Heaven waiting on you" stuff that people will tell you because they want to say something of comfort but usually say something that doesn't make you feel much better.
Here at OGS all of us have experienced what you are going through & we are all hurt, depressed, sad, lonely...everything you are feeling now. We won't judge if you just post a rant, a rave, a poem, your sadness, whatever it is that you feel that you have to get out into the world. We will understand, share and support you wherever we can. That common thread of humanity has helped me more than most anything else.

I recognized Multnomah Falls. What a beautiful, special place.
I used to live in that part of Oregon, on the Columbia. Take comfort in knowing that you are in a healing place. My Dave & I are from NC but had to travel all the way to Oregon to find each other. I'd give up the rest of my life if I could spend one more day with my beloved Dave but I know that won't happen and so I push ahead and try to just get thru each day best I can. Remember we are here for you.
Suzanne B