My husband was officially diagnosed with Stage  IV lung in March of 2014, after nearly a year of undiagnosed pain. By the time he was diagnosed he needed 200mg of Morphine to lessen the pain. I lived thru his agony and told him I would trade places in a heartbeat. He'd tease me that he was leaving me a rich widow...I'd break down into tears, saying I'd trade all the money to keep him with me. Then I begged him to take me with him to heaven. In his typical patient way, he told me "NO, it's not your time". He died in November, 2 weeks after our 27th anniversary. I keep telling myself it's a good thing I miss him as much as I do, that it means we really were deeply in love as well as deeply loved. We were lucky to have our "soulmates"! A lot of people never get to experience that kind of love.

Know that what you are feeling at any point in time is normal. I'm seeing that we all have different emotions at different times. We will find our way!