Fran
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  • Auckland
  • New Zealand
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About Me:
Mother of three beautiful children and a wonderful supportive husband- nothing ever replaces losing your own mum..
About my Loss:
My mother was an angel, she loved her grandchildren and her family with all her heart. I find after 12 years, especially when I'm on my own, the hardest. We were not close until I married and had children of my own, people say that is quite common. When I think of how she went through the pain and suffering from pancreatic cancer, I can't bear this. I was there for her as much as I could at the time, my son only 3 months old. My father said I was her 'nurse', trying to keep them both from falling apart. I held her hand when she died and told her I would remember her when the sun shone, when the flowers bloomed I would think of her beautiful face. I told her I would care for my father, who lives now the other side of the world... I can't help but cry that I'm not good enough mother because I fall to pieces sometimes... My brother fell to the floor and my sister was sick... I always remember her hand slipping away from mine, her restless last breath turning into nothingness. I remember turning around in the hospice and seeing a great light shining at me, I could hardly see it was so bright. My brother and sister were hidden behind their tears. I was not as close to my mother as my sister was, but god how she showed how much she was so very proud of me when I had grandchildren. My mother in law says remember the times with your mother, then lock them away in a jewel box in your heart. Sometimes I can feel and smell her around me, I never want to let them go. I know know you can't understand unless you have to live with the loss of your mother..

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