Hi Erica. I'm sorry for your loss. I understand the pain. I lost my husband of 35 years 9 weeks ago. He was 52. It is so hard every day. You are not alone. Sometimes it's comforting reading others going through the same because they understand. Unless you experience the death of a spouse, one would never understand the intensity of it. If affects me physically, mentally and emotionally. Hugs to you b