Donna, thank you for replying! I believe I can understand much of what you went through. I felt some relief mixed with the numbness when my husband died, too. The stress of walking on eggshells lessened a lot. For weeks I felt a numbness and expected him to come home any minute. But gradually my body was relaxing from the stress of dealing with him. My health was improving from the lack of stress and my Dr. appt's. showed it. My massage therapy app'ts. for fibromyalgia showed a much more relaxed body in places I couldn't control just by thinking about relaxing. I had systemic changes per my therapist who is excellent and has known me for about 24 years. I no longer take my muscle relaxer medication.

I am relieved to be out from under the abuse. I'm so much more peaceful and happier in my day-to-day living. I do miss the man I married very much. I miss the many good years and companionship we had when he was healthy. We shared many common interests. I only put up with the abuse because he was diagnosed with early onset dementia and was therefore sick and not in control.

But it changes how I grieve. I grieved tremendously prior to his death, not nearly so much after his death. I lost the man I loved prior to his death. Most people can't understand this because he kept up a front of friendliness to outsiders and was quite different at home. It was especially lonely for me because of this. Few people knew he was so different at home from the person he showed to the world.

Did any of this happen to you?