Dee C
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About Me:
I am a mom of two beautiful loving girls. My oldest lives 3 miles from me. She has a little girl who is like my 3rd daughter we've been hanging out being best buds for all her 10 years. My youngest who is 3 1/2 years younger than her sister is gone. Saying that is hard. I used to be happy. I used to enjoy life. I was fun. I really don't have a me anymore. I'm trying to find some of the old me but part of me doesn't want to. I'm lost and sad.
About my Loss:
My beautiful daughter developed hypothyroid probably quite a while before it was discovered. It was really bad but she never told any of us, only her husband knew. She was put on thyroid meds, anti anxiety meds and I think antidepressants. She seen the doctor a few more times according to her husband then ended up buying a generic antidepressant on line. I now find out that possibly the release of that med releases too fast which can make matters worse. Well she told him and a new friend she had just made that she was going off thyroid meds and taking care of it naturally, natural supplements. She never got a chance. Two days later she was gone. They just moved into their new home. She had a ton of plans planting her 40 trees, her chickens about to lay eggs for the 1st time in just days, I was coming over to help, she was happy her and her sister were getting to see each other more, college courses, talks of starting a family! So full of life! She loved life! It is unclear if she just started the antidepressant the week before but she had just went on her facebook and replyed to her new friend and told her we'll have to plan a get together. Fifty minutes later she started to get upset at her husband. He said she wasn't making sense and she ran off to the bedroom and 20 to 30 seconds later shot herself. This is so painful to live with! And sadly he's a gun collector and kept a few loaded guns in the house. We think the antidepressants, thyroid problem and drinking combination affected her ability to rationalize and she made this rash very out of character decision. He also said she wasn't herself that whole day. He realises now he should've called one of us. She had a thyroid issue not a normal deppression and shouldn't have been on antidepressants. I believe she'd still be here. I can hear her say either" mom, dad I didn't mean to do it" or her cute "oh whoops!" I just can't believe it even happened. It's just so very unbearably sad. I'm only partly here anymore. And as many of you here have said peoples uncaring words cut right through your already shattered heart. Sorry to all you sad broken parents on here and all who aren't on here. As time goes on I become sadder because it's even longer since I've seen her, heard her laugh. I can still hear her. Time is distancing. I don't want us to go on without her here with us. It's not right! It doesn't feel right. It feels icky. Times of her life constantly go through my head. I dream of her alot. Sometimes she's a little girl or preteen or 25 the age she was that horrible day. My daughter's dad, her sister and myself are just empty people walking around. Wish you all the best whatever that may be!

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