My mom died 4 months ago
My mom had pulmonary fibrosis. She was sick for a few years. It was funny how when my grandmother smoked, my mom would always say-I’m gonna die from second hand smoke. My mom never smoked. She died from lung disease. Ironic.I was fine at the funeral. Planning. Talking to everyone. I thought u handled it great. Now 4 months later, I’m a mess. Some days I’m perfectly fine, but others I can’t walk down the street without crying. I keep thinking that I haven’t talked to her in a while & I…See More
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Dear Debbie,
I have thought about how you can help and the best information I can suggest is what I read in a brochure WHEN Someone You Love Dies under the subheading
Releasing Grief—How? - Talking can be a helpful release. Following the death of all ten of his children, as well as some other personal tragedies, the ancient patriarch Job said: “My soul certainly feels a loathing toward my life. I will give vent to [Hebrew, “loose”] my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul!” (Job 1:2, 18, 19; 10:1) Job could no longer restrain his concern. He needed to let it loose; he had to “speak.” Similarly, the English dramatist Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth: “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.”
So talking about your feelings to “a true companion” who will listen patiently and sympathetically can bring a measure of relief. (Proverbs 17:17) Putting experiences and feelings into words often makes it easier to understand them and to deal with them. And if the listener is another bereaved person who has effectively dealt with his or her own loss, you may be able to glean some practical suggestions on how you can cope. When her child died, one mother explained why it helped to talk to another woman who had faced a similar loss: “To know that somebody else had gone through the same thing, had come out whole from it, and that she was still surviving and finding some sort of order in her life again was very strengthening to me.”
This is a journey that each person takes in their own way and in their own time.
Something else that can facilitate the release of grief is crying. There is “a time to weep,” says the Bible. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4) Surely the death of someone we love brings on such a time. Shedding tears of grief appears to be a necessary part of the healing process.
One young woman explains how a close friend helped her to cope when her mother died. She recalls: “My friend was always there for me. She cried with me. She talked with me. I could just be so open with my emotions, and that was important to me. I didn’t have to be embarrassed about crying.” (See Romans 12:15.) Nor should you feel ashamed of your tears. As we have seen, the Bible is filled with examples of men and women of faith—including Jesus Christ—who openly shed tears of grief without any apparent embarrassment.—Genesis 50:3; 2 Samuel 1:11, 12; John 11:33, 35. - Be this friend for your daughter.... I can see by your words you love her dearly.
I will listen anytime you need to talk.
Brenda