Crystal, I lost my mom in July too. There are just no words to describe the pain I feel. I too have played her illness out in my mind a billion times. Thinking about how or what I could have done to save her. Then thinking about that she is no longer here is over whelming to me. I can't stand those kinds of thoughts. I had to take care of her the last few years. She had COPD for for a long time.Then she caught pneumonia in January of 2012. Lack of oxygen left her cognitive ability greatly demished. She was still just so sweet. Never complained. I miss her so much. My stomach is tied in knots most days. I pray that you will find peace. I am so sorry for your loss.