Courtney Nichols
  • Female
  • Florence, SC
  • United States
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About Me:
I'm Courtney. I'm a 20 year old college student majoring in Psychology. I'm a lover of cats, coffee, and all things Kappa Delta and Ed Sheeran.
About my Loss:
On May 19, 2015 my world stopped spinning when the woman who gave me life lost her battle with cancer. My mother was first diagnosed with colon cancer in 2004 and over the next 11 years she fought it four times. I grew up watching my mom constantly fight for her life and she never stopped trying. The bond that I shared with her because of this was different than anything else I've ever experienced. The last time her cancer came back was in January 2014, and 6 months later it had metastasized and she was declared terminal. Over the next year I watched my mom become worse and worse. My heart was breaking into a million pieces as I watched her wither away, but I had to be strong for her. I was 20 when my mom finally decided to let go. I wasn't ready to lose her, but I knew she couldn't stay. Losing her sent me into a deep depression, one that I wasn't prepared to deal with. It took me six months to accept the fact that I was broken and seek help. I didn't want to admit that there was something wrong with me because I didn't want to accept losing her. In losing her I lost myself. So here I am now, months after losing my mother, trying to find myself again. Everything has changed since she passed away and I'm not the same person she left behind. I'm battling depression and anxiety and I struggle everyday. I am sad, I am broken, and I'm not okay. This is me searching for peace and trying to forgive myself because while it's okay not to be okay, it's not okay to stay that way. I love my mom and I miss her every single day. I want to be okay again, for her.

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Grandma sewing room

So I am almost done with cleaning my grandmas sewing room that wasn’t touched in 10 years because of all the mess, but now that she passed away 2 days ago, I don’t know if I should continue, I wanna finish what I started but I don’t know what to do, my grandpa is still alive and I don’t want to leave this burden on him.See More
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