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  • Female
  • Long Beach, CA
  • United States
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  • Joseph G. Bartlett

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About Me:
Living with PTSD, Severe Panic Attacks and Insomnia. As for the rest of my life I'm a Makeup Artist (Specializing in Special FX, Beauty, Character, Airbrush, Hair design, Maquette Sculpture, Digital FX, Film, Television and Print) I love drawing, writing and painting. I'll get my MASTERS in January. Yet Due to my current loss I'm currently on break from school. It's hard to study (read) and retain information, or draw (which is vital to my career). I attend Cinema Makeup School in Los Angeles. They were very understanding of my situation.
About my Loss:
There are several at different times each one of them were very significant to me. My Mother, my Godfather, my Daughter, and recently my Best Friend.

My Mother had Myasthenia Gravis a rare muscle disorder. She had her good days and her bad. I tried to be with her every day. I was for the most part there wasnt a day we went wtihout speaking. When she passed it was around 4am in her sleep. They said she went peacefully. I ran in her room tried CPR devastated full of tears along with my Father and Brother As I did CPR she did this big exhale. I was frantic telling the paramedics what had happened, they worked on her in our living room for more room for about 20 minutes. Then finally saying what we were all afraid to hear, we apologize and our sorry for your loss but she's gone. When they were working on her I couldn't be in there I was in complete shock never felt so helpless sitting in the bathtub bawling and screaming in my pajamas afraid to look. They didn't even call the ambulance we had to wait for the coroner. They ruled it as heart failure without even doing an autopsy due to her illness. We waited for the Coroner for 3 hours, and for those 3 hours I laid on our living room floor hugging her and resting my head on her shoulder all that time. I'm sorry I cant continue right now... to be continued
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First blog. (summary)

I'm afraid to truly enjoy life because when I do the Lord reminds by taking another beautiful flower from my Garden of life.

It seems as though he keeps taking the ones I'm closest to. So I guess you can say I'm nervous and constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. That being said, it doesn't matter because you're never prepared  and with each loss it's completely different type of grief  I'm beside myself and have never felt more alone. My Mom was my very first best…

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Posted on November 7, 2012 at 12:13pm

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