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Caroline Malone
- Female
- Houston, TX
- United States
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- About my Loss:
- My mom, my best friend, passed away two years, 6 months and 16 days ago. She had mentioned she felt a small bump on her head but didn't bring it up again until one night 6 weeks later when her arm felt numb. My dad made an appointment called the hospital and an appointment was made for the following morning. I'm an optimist(when it comes to people other than me) so when she started to cry that night (to me, her youngest child of four)I was very scared, but I told her she had nothing to worry about, it was nothing, to breath and relax and it would all be okay. Within the next four days she'd been diagnosed with stage four metastatic melanoma cancer(though there was no sign of it, I've later been told it could have originated behind her eyeball or in her ear...), had been given four months to live (which my family, trying to protect me for my own good, which when I think about it now was probably smart) and was in surgery to have a tumor removed from her head. Surgery went perfect. Unfortunately, and so irresponsibly, she didn't have insurance. It was a $100,000.00 money order just to get a meeting at MD Anderson and 5 chemo treatments around 50K money order each. My dad, sister, brother and me found a way to get the money for the treatments by the skin of our teeth every time and spent everything we all had. But it seemed worth it because my family believes in miracles, and especially with my mom being the only truly religious one out of all of us, we really believed there was no was she would be taken from us so quickly. Not like this. Long and painful story short (not that short though I know I've been rambling!) she died in my bedroom, holding my hand. She was very bad off, and I wasn't at home that morning. I should have been. My sister called and said come home now she's passing. I got there 15 minutes later. The second I walked in the door it was an outer body experience. They rushed me upstairs. They (they being dad, sister and brother) were trying to hide the fear they felt from me. They urgently ran me to her. She was suffocating. Her nervous system finally completely gave out and she couldn't breath. She had foam coming from her mouth, but damnit she was fighting it. I grabbed her hand and started to try to comfort her. I felt like I was floating watching it all happen, seeing myself talk to her, hearing my family crying behind me telling mommy it was okay because her baby girl Caroline was there, this all happening within 45 seconds of my arrival. I saw her fighting it and not wanting to leave us, and to my surprise I didn't cry, I told her she had to go into the light and it would be okay. I said mom you have to go into the light. It's going to be okay. And she heard me. And she stopped fighting. And now as I'm typing I'm in tears. 2 years, 6 months and 16 days later, I've come a long way from what I turned into 2 years, 6 months and 15 days ago. But I still feel so sad. I miss my sweet mommy. I'm very blessed, but I can't seem to get past this grief. I pray for anyone and everyone going through a hard time in their life. I pray for your happiness, healthiness and strength of you and yours.
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"Paula! Are you still online? I haven’t been on this site in years and just happened to sign in today and saw your message. I wondered what happened with you! I hope you’re doing well and hope to hear from you. My email is…"
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