Brian loesche
  • Male
  • Honolulu, HI
  • United States
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About Me:
I’m 35 n struggled to take car of my ill mom with cirrhosis stage 4 n cancer stage 4 for almost 2 years. I tried my best, but we ended up homeless, and my dad bought her a ticket back to family in California arroyo grande, I took her to all her dr appointments, and did it all alone beside a little income from her we. My mom had gran nap seizures nearly everyday, it was hard and has changed my life, and I’m in a bad place. My mom mom is free of pain and she suffered everyday, I’m glad she is free of pain. In recent months I rigged myself back to working and have my own place, n I just wanted to see her one last time, her tumor spread and she started becoming scared, she felt alone, she left me 4 last voicemails day before she passed, and I was at work and missed them, I called her right back after work n I couldn’t reach her, she expressed her love and she sounded in so much pain, we battled this since 2010. My last conversation on Saturday the day before she called me and I messed it was a beautiful conversation. I’m trying to turn to god but our family is broken, and I have so much guilt of wanting to do better for her, she deserved more love n for me to make her happy during th last of her times, my mom battled over 20 ailments, N was the strongest woman I know. I feel now horrible about myself and cry for her every night wanting to join my mama bear. I wish I had someone to talk to . During me helping her and getting her off the streets when my dad kicked her out while she was dying I picked her up and was there for her when no one was. I need comfort and I don’t think I can get thrown th this, my dad felt bad so he put her cremation on his credit card, but now we r all broke n can’t even be together to spread her ashes. My memory of every night listening to breath through her door to make sure she’s alive haunts me, I feel empty and a void has consumed me. I love you mom
About my Loss:
Loss my mother of cirrhosis n stage 4 liver cancer, in the end she was so scared , her last words to me was don’t ever say we won’t see each other again.
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
I use to be an emt and worked for city and county of Honolulu

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Grandma sewing room

So I am almost done with cleaning my grandmas sewing room that wasn’t touched in 10 years because of all the mess, but now that she passed away 2 days ago, I don’t know if I should continue, I wanna finish what I started but I don’t know what to do, my grandpa is still alive and I don’t want to leave this burden on him.See More
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