I totally get the feeling of not being able to breathe. I lost my soul mate and husband this last Christmas. Since he passed away I struggle daily to get my strength up to go on. My 14 year old daughter was gang raped a few months later and tried to kill herself. I am so sorry you are having to deal with losing your son. I can only say that you will breathe again. Take it one moment at a time and lean on others. I think this is really all we can do. God Bless You!