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Ashlee's Page
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- About my Loss:
- March 16, 2015 I received a phone call my niece, telling me 'grandmas not breathing, I don't think she's alive' I was doing lauglndry at the laundry mat. It was about 3:30ish p.m. I told her 'stay calm baby, aunties on her way'. I dropped everything & ran to my boyfriends car & screamed at him we gotta go! Take me to my sisters now. He drove 90 mph all the way there, as we were pulling up, I was jumping out. The ambulance had passed us on the way & fire trucks were just leaving. I looked at my sisters face & she didn't have to say a word, it was written in her eyes. On the way to hospital I asked my sister what happened? She explained to me, our mom wasn't feeling well that morning, she had a migraine & was hallucinating.. My sister thought it could have been the medication she was taking that caused her to hallucinate, so she told her to go take a nap. My sister went to check on our mom about an hour later & she had no heart beat & had vomitted all over herself. She dialed 911 & started performing CPR . the paramedics were able to get a spontaneous pulse & put her on a ventilator as she could not breathe on her own. When we got to the ER, we waited in the waiting room for nearly 4 hours, waiting to go back & be with mom. By the time they let us back there, they had put her on medication called propofol because they said she was seizing. My mom spent 11 days between the ER, the CCU & ICU. Tons of tests were performed on her brain, & they indicated she had no brain activity. We were up in the air. How could it be that just Sunday march 15, 2015 she was fine. & come march16 she was completely gone? We couldn't fathom it. We all took those 11 days to gather our thoughts & spend the last moments we would ever physically get with our mom. On march 27, just three days before my 24th birthday, my moms right lung collapsed & we had to take her off the ventialor & say our last goodbyes. That was beyond the most painful hardest day of my life. It has been almost three months without her & this emptiness, this pain, this heartbreak is just eating at me. Its feeding off of the breakage inside my soul. My mama was more than just the woman who gave me life. She saved me from myself. She saved the life she gave me. Not once but 3 times. How do I go about feeling safe again, when the one person who knew me better than i know myself, the one who saved my being, that made life make sense, is now dead? I am so lost & I just don't know what to do. nu
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