Ann,  

Sometimes I am able to get up the energy to write to a new grieving member.  I can only tell you that this is a journey that you wont be able to believe.  You will constantly be questioning how you can hurt this much.  It is part of the shock of losing the most important person in your life.  I haven't yet found there are solutions, only managing the pain.  The root cause of our affliction cannot be changed.  Our beloved husbands are gone......it is not understandable.  Dont try.  Just take baby steps and sometimes it is by the day, or the hour or sometimes by the minute.  Please be as gentle with yourself as you can.  Take care, Morgan.