Dear Alicia,

You don't say how recently this happened but regardless, our grief can consume us with more suffering than we can ever imagine having to handle.  It is so so difficult.  But none of us are perfect, you were doing something we all do every day, driving.  How things come together in a specific time and place we will never know.  No one can defend themselves against a purely random event.  None of us.  You are struggling like this with your feelings because you are a good person.  

If there is one thing you will receive from posting here is that there are other people who get what this suffering is like.  Most of us, I think are dealing with some level of survivors guilt whether we lost a spouse or child or sibling, parent or friend.  And most of us have a difficult time figuring out how to deal with our emotions.  If we didn't we wouldn't be here.

Unfortunately when death happens, we always ask– why? Why us? Why anything? On this site, we all get it.  We are all struggling, trying to find our way through the reasons we are here when our loved one is not. Not a place anyone wants to be, but at least we know we are not suffering alone.  It seems like it but we aren't.

I will hope that you can gain the strength to understand that this was an accident and it was not your fault.  In the meantime I hope you will use this site as a means to better understand how to cope, or even at times how hard it is to cope, but that we all are walking beside you while we walk towards the place we hopefully will rejoin our loved ones.  

Please take care.   

morgan