Nicole, I can so relate to your yearning and sadness, feeling overwhelmed and not having you husband to be with you and help you. When my Tom died in April it was from a heart attack, too. Doing all the stuff he did--bill paying, laundry, grocery shopping and cooking...and now I have all that plus my full time job. I am overwhelmed myself. If I could have him back in my arms, holding each other. I miss him terribly.

We lost a part of ourselves. We are trying to function and no longer whole. It is such a disorganized feeling.

Nicole,

I'm so sorry that you've become a member of this club that none of us wants to be in. I lost my amazing husband of 38 years on April 1 to cancer. We have been together since I was 19. We also worked together, so my whole life was wrapped up in him and our kids. I know how blessed we were, you and I, and others here, to have found our true soul-mate. I just don't know who I am without him. So many people have said that it was never just Jim or Sara, it was always Jim and Sara. And truly, my husband was a remarkable man. The woman that did his service said that she had heard many times that the deceased person was "larger than life", but with my husband it was the first time that she believed it. When he walked into a room, he was the one that everyone wanted to hang out with, to talk to.

Most times I miss him so much that it's hard to breathe. I'm jealous of people who say that they feel their loved ones close, because I just don't. I wish that I had a stronger faith, this would be so much easier if I knew that someday we would be together again, but I just don't know. I guess the only advise I can give you is to do things in YOUR time. Don't let anyone push you or talk you into doing anything that you aren't ready to do. Take it slow, and walk away and cry when you need to.

Sometimes I feel like he was just taken yesterday and sometimes I feel like it's been years. I rattle around in our big old house, and miss him. I should sell it, it's way too big for one person, but it has been our home for almost 30 years. We got married in our livingroom, and my Jim died in our livingroom, how could I ever live anywhere else? I'm still sleeping on the couch because I just cant imagine sleeping in our bed without him. Life will just never be the same.

If you ever need to just rant, feel free to email me, I know that sometimes you just want to talk about him, and the day he was taken, and people just don't want to hear it again, I understand!

Nicole

Hi

I'm checking in to see how you are holding up? The upcoming holidays seem to be ripping my heart out, so I'm sure you are feeling it also. I'm here if you need to vent.