Tim L.

Male

Hoboken, NJ

United States

Profile Information:

About Me:
I'm a resident of Hoboken, NJ. (Born & Raised) Male 43 years old. I have one child (Jennifer age 21) Not married. I have 4 sisters whom I share everyday life with, as well as nieces and nephews.
About my Loss:
I recently lost my Mother to lung cancer on December 29, 2011 she was only 60 years old. I am having problems getting in touch with the mixed feelings, I believe they are repressed, maybe I'm still numb, My Mom and I were very. close, I was her only son and oldest child, she was also a part of my everyday life. I know I miss her, and often think of her but I am having trouble excepting the fact that she is gone from my life. I'm not crying or falling to my knees, but I have been wanting to sleep all the time, and I have no ambition to take care of my daily duties and activities. I real would like to make heads or tails about the loss of My wonderful & beautiful mother. I witnessed her struggles in her life, she lost her first husband to drugs at age 19 when I was 16 months old, and mom was 8 months pregnant with my sister, She remarried 2 years later, her 2nd husband abused drugs and alcohol and would come home and batter her often. We finally ran away to Texas by my grandmother who took us in until my mom found a job and got us a place to live. Her life wasn't an easy one, but i was always there to comfort her, rub her head until she stopped crying, I even went as far as jumping on my Dads back trying to stab him with a butter knife. she never got a break, she worked hard to keep food in our mouths and clothes on our back, without any child support. My mom had gotten involved in a relationship with another man who also abused alcohol and drugs and he mentally and physically abused her for 31 years, She died 4 months after finally leaving the relationship. All these tragedies run through my mind often, and the sorrow is still very raw, this is another reason why I cannot get my feelings together.

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  • Tammy B.

    Hey Tim, I'm glad you got a chance to see the movie and liked it.  My brother recommended I watch it because the guy in the movie made him think of me.  Probably because my mom was my best friend.  I know what you mean, it would be nice if we could get that kind of special counseling.  I believe most therapists want their patients talk and vent until we resolve our own issues.  I've been to two or three in my lifetime and that seems to be the pattern.  Oh well... I just got a chance to really look at your mom's photos and in them she looks happy.  It could be because she was always surrounded by all of you. It looks to me like she was blessed with a great family, even if she wasn't so lucky with finding a good and deserving life partner.   There is something to be said for that.   You take care and I'll be talking you again hopefully!!! Love, Tammy

     

    Apr 6, 2012

  • Mark

    Hey Tim.  Thanks for the friend request.  We definitely are living very similar lifes right now.  I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss.  I know how unbearable it is.  I lost my mom on Dec 14th of Pancreatic Cancer.  We were very close.  My mom had a lot of struggles in life.  Anything she wasn't physically capable of doing I did.  These passed 3 months without her have been shocking.  I feel like an alien from another planet trying to adjust to a completely different life I've never known and I definitely understand all the emotions.  If you ever want to chat feel free.  Take care and know you aren't alone in all of this.

    Apr 12, 2012

  • Aimee

    Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I lost my mother May 13, 2012, Mother's Day to colon cancer.  I was her caretaker until the end, she had the same things your mom had.  For the last week, she was medicated for terminal restlessness and pain.  One eye was closed, the other opened but didn't blink, she had water in her lungs to the piont they couldn't hear her heart beat.  I can still hear the sound of the death rattle.  Even now I look at the clock and think its time for her medication only to remember she isn't here anymore.  They all say she is in a  better place, well if that's true she went through hell to get there because it was a tough death.  The apnea, the death rattle, her other eye opened about 10 minutes before her last gulp for air.   I feel traumatized and exhausted from caring for her.  I feel guilty about that because of what she went through in the end. She had the hard part.  My mother also had a hard life.  I think being present for the death of your parent adds a demension to the experience.  Its hard to find people who understand this unless they have been through it.  The depression is like a cloud, just lingers.  I miss my mom so much.  Take care.

    Jun 5, 2012